THE INDIAN MATCHMAKING…

The Elite are at it again.. This time it is a show on Netflix about arranged marriages that is getting them triggered. According to them arranged marriages are a part of the regressive feudalistic past which we have done and dusted wtith decades ago , but to see it happening in 2020 among the much tauted futuristic generation have made them go crazy. The most interesting part about the show was that it was purely about matchmaking among the upper classes in India and abroad , and oh boy the English speaking globe trotters talking about docile wives was humour to my middle class ears.

This brings me to the topic of the day – My trials and tribulations of finding a life partner in Modern India. Born to parents who married out of love , I was always a fan of finding your life partner by yourself theory. So when puberty kicked in , my search for true love commenced. Being an average looking nerd , who was effeminate according to macho mallu standards , it was an arduous journey. Though there were many one sided crushes , my first true relationship started in 2010 when I saw her   on the staircase , painting on a t shirt at an Interdental college competition at Thiruvananthapuram. It started with phone calls , progressed to dates and then to the day of Reckoning. By 2014 we had both completed our degrees and were ready to tie the knot. Being from a household where falling in love was never seen as a crime , My parents had been aware of my relationship right from when it started . But the other side was a whole different world.

Ours is a nuclear family in the real sense. It was just the four of us and the extended family was something which we saw only on family functions. They had no say in our lives and we never interfered in theirs. I was wrong in thinking that it was the case with all the Nuclear families. It changed the day when a car full of strangers stopped in front of our house. They were hesitant even to introduce themselves , their air of superiority was there on their sleeves for anyone to see. The first thing one of them said was…”It is not going to happen”. As we were from two different castes , me being a Nair and her being an elayathu , our love does not fit into the age old tradition of endogamy. The funny thing was that one of them was an officer at the irrigation department , the others worked at a cooperative banks ( The shining beacon of communist movement in Kerala) and local self government institutions. Being benefactors of modern secular setup , they were vouching for racial purity making the whole Kerala Model social awakening a joke. Once they left I called my girlfriend who was not even aware of the escapades of her relatives. This rude incident exposed me for the first time to the regressive tyranny of casteism so rampant in our society and also to the dictatorship called extended family. From then on it has been an uphill battle. Finally in 2015 out of desperation we decided to register our marriage at cherpulassery with my parents as the witnesses , which we did. Then one fine morning her parents suddenly grew a pair of spine and decided to stand up for their daughter. So we got married in August 2015 with all of my relatives and just her parents in attendance.

Even to this day none of her family including her parents have apologised to me or my parents for dragging us through the hell that was 2015. Most of her relatives are still not in talking terms with us which talks a lot about their maturity as adults. People like them make up 99 percent of our society so the outlandishness exhibited on screen during Indian matchmaking was nothing new to me. This is the reality of India and it will remain so for centuries to come so dear elite …. Just deal with it….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s